You know, having made the jump, I feel like I'm still falling. I don't really know how else to put it. At this point, I am waiting to find out about college for next year, waiting to submit a proposal for a job, waiting to start a life. I'm doing everything I can and it's hard to determine which direction I want to go in when I have the whole thing open to me. Money is an issue. I understand that. I feel like this is a start. to what? I don't know. My life has been in motion for a long time and I don't know..
I'm happy to be here. I'm glad I did this. I'm glad I left New York. I have no regrets and I want to see what will come into my space, my new space. I'm also glad I did this with Brianna as opposed to any other person. There is no "but". There is a question mark as to what will happen next.
It's very cold here, and I hate feeling chilled all the time. Heat is not a top priority in homes here, which is understandable. I am excited to have a kitchen of my own. I'm just sort of aching to put down roots I think. At the same time though, a year in one place is the longest I will have remained in the same living space for a long time now. I'm not afraid of that, but I just want to live it. And I suppose it takes living it to live it, if that makes sense, but I just want everything to come together. For having gotten here on the 30th of December it isn't like this has taken very long, to do everything we have.
It is not a cakewalk to find a job. At least not on craigslist haha... I need to put myself out there more and update my resume. I want to work on a house, or work with an organization. I have the feeling I can do some things. I think I can get something going. I want to see the world shift, I want to see impact. I want to be working with a hard-hitting place. I think this feels like a potential tipping point where something could happen. I want to see things happen and I hope for everyone I know who has the capacity to be a mover and a shaker that they can get grounded enough to do it. I want things to get better.
I didn't make any new year's resolutions. Maybe I should though. Any off the top of my head?
Finally get my fucking license
and learn to ride a bike
get a job
You know what? That's enough for right now with the resolutions and whatever. I think sometimes people just name goals, but there isn't any reason to tie them to a new year. I can do any of these things when I get serious, and it being 2010 doesn't change the level of my dedication to any of these things. However I do think there is some merit to the idea personally because I arrived in a new city in a new state right before the 1st of the year. Maybe it is important to make goals that pertain to this year at this time in this place. I'm not sure.
I think I should start doing art again. Coming down here and staying at Sarah's house, one of her roomates works in a print shop and the other is a conceptual artist. Everyone seems to try to have some creative outlet, and that is something I have not had for a long time. I really want to be as open as possible to everything and anything.
Ps. lets go JETS playoffffffssssss! tmw night oh yea. haha
