who am i
who am i
i am
closer, further, curated
poised, confused, uncontrolled
i am not
who i think i am
who i was
who i will be
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the world keeps spinning. today my throat is burning, and my mind is blank. just like most other days. sometimes though, things gel at the same time as others fall apart.
yet again, i dont even know anything. its strange to realize that i live in a constant state of insecurity. the things i want, there are few. the things i dont want, i gravitate towards. the things i have, i clench tightly. sometimes i throw them away though.
i need to change myself. in a real way. i really dont know anymore. you know, in some ways i thought it wasn't me. but now i think its internal. like i just think maybe what is untenable is internal. its time again. ive been here before, and its time to shift the cycle again.
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ive been collecting pennies
scraping the rust into my bowl of lonliness
to fill it with a million of the same face
ive been collecting quarters
so maybe all my lies will be discarded
with the fractals
that have been rubbed together
between the index and thumb pads
ive been collecting dimes. nickels.
like sand, they coat the floor of my apartment
so that every dawn
i can get up and walk through the past, and change.
i am a brute. jawing always at my weaknesses. daring you to humiliate me.
will you?
will you?
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