40 (Ever since he can remember, people have died in his good name...theres one thing that he's sure of, this has been going on too long)

I have been listening to sooo much Lily Allen. I really like her. My job has relaxed its grip on me a little, and I feel okay about how things are going. Still wary and still not comfortable, but not fearful all the time, haha.

I adopted two kittens on Monday, and I think it was a good idea. I only wanted one. but whatever. They are crazy right now. I have moved in with Alex onto to a few blocks from where I lived before. He likes the kittens. My room has two walls that are all window, but it doesn't have great air circulation. The apartment is cute. But I still wish I lived alone.

Eryn left on Tuesday morning. But she is coming back in August. It's been a long time since I have gotten that close to someone that quickly.

I forgot to post that all, and now I am adding onto it at this late hour on a Sunday. My weekend has been bizarre and not great.

I feel as though not much has remained in my head that enters into in, at least not for a week or so. I think that I might be mentally unhinging myself in some ways.

I feel cold. In the sense that my heart is closed. and I feel little, if any, affection for most people currently. I'd make a list of people who I love, but I fear that not only would I forget someone, at least one, but it would also be offensive to anyone not on it. It's not worth the thought or effort or embarrassment to post.

I was going to go to sleep an hour ago. I've spent the majority of the weekend in bed. watching Oz. or Buffy. Or nothing. This guy I dated in New York for a little more than a month back in December came down to visit me. I think his reasons were off and I think he realized here, in my territory (so to speak), I am not the person he thought I was. I had always been a temporary installation in his space, a quiet addition. I am not an addition. So that's on its way out.

We had a fine time though. Everything I've said and done feels like a long time ago.

When was the last time I have felt?

Felt for you?

Felt you?

When is the next time I will feel?

Feel for you?

For anyone?

Round, though it is,

there is a point

so tiny at the end

smaller

than the tip

of a Pencil.

Circular, spiraling

downward

towards the end

and at the point

look back up

will you see

the journey?

The long and winding road that took us

from there

to here.

Here... Here where we are. At the point.

The point when we have come Full Circle.

The point where hindsight is 20/20

The point that is smaller than the tip of a pencil

We have been tripping towards the bottom, ever since the top.

The tip. The point.

The point at which we will see it all.

The point at which we will part ways.