18 (Here is something you can't understand... How I could just KILL a man)

The past 10 days have me a little fucked up, not gonna lie.

Started out with a really strange weekend which has had my head all screwed up and over thinking everything, plus i lost my fucking credit card and that was awful, now im broke and i owe this girl money and i think she's leaving before my card will get here. i also want to go out tonigh but i have literally 2 dollars. which kind of limits my ability to do much of anything. someone is screaming near by. i think its a baby. 

the week started off fine, pretty productive and i have claimed the bathroom as my own project and it worked out so im all over it. i'm a lot slower tiling alone, but i also had to watch the short term volunteers a lot and seal this floor a couple times which took a lot longer than i expected. not to mention someone fucking walked on it before it dried so it looks like crap now :( im really not chill about that at all, not to mention we discovered a TON of setbacks in the house we were previously unaware of, so theres a lot more work to be done. now its true i'd rather have this than lay the hardwood and have it buckle in two years because theres no floor joist under the subflooring, but at the same time its really frustrating. we also were closing up the wall and found that a bunch of studs were water damaged and had to replace those as well which took a ton of time, so the bathroom took a back seat. 

NOT  to mention the fact that my lovely crew leader decided he was too "fucked up from last night" to work yesterday and only came to the work site for 20 mins which was spent onthe phone with the homeowner. then he left me in charge of them without a description of what they should be doing, and proceeded to not call me at all. at lunch i figured he'd be rested and ready to work, but he never picked up or showed up. then at like 2:30 he called and said he was taking care of some insurance bullshit and told me he would be at the site soon. never came. and didnt pick up either, until his friend who lives at the house called him 30 mins before the day was over. 

i have a headache. son of a bitch. today was kind of good but also bad. it was warm and sunny and i had awesome bbq but again my crew leader did no work. he went to the worksite and hung out... and literally did nothing. now i took a much longer break at lunch than normal, but i got a lot done today too, especially because our short termers left at noon. 

im also not in a good mood because of some stupid fucked up things in new york that i cant really deal with, and i cant wrap my head around anyway. 

however i did re-find this thing called PostSecret, the art thing where people send in their secrets anon. to this guy and they go on the postsecret blog. you should search it, its incredibly moving. 

so i found a girl with the same camera as me but she left her usb cord at home too. oh well. 

im realy psyched for my mom to come down, i was thinking about it the other day- she will probably want to see a bunch of cultural stuff, and all i want is mundane luxuries and her company. who will be satisfied first? haha... hopefully both of us. i really need more shampoo. 

im so glad no one reads this. everyone i talk to on the phone asks me about shit i put up on here so they obviously don't keep up with it, so i figure i can pretty much write whatever i want. 

reading post secret made me think of all the things i never say that are true and i dont really admit to anyone, including myself. i still wont put them up here though. i think the lower ninth ward is my favorite neighborhood in america. 

sometimes when i already feel guilty i think everyone is mad at me. im probably just paranoid but whatever. i wish i had long hair.