Saturday, February 28, 2009

14 (Is there something that you wanted from her? yes. And is there something that you needed from her? No...)

So last night was pretty interesting.
I didnt go to sleep until 7am... not sure why. but paul stayed up with me and we were talking through the night. it was suprising that there were about 5 people that were around at some point, you know, coming outside at 4am or something. but i really liked it, paul is a really cool kid  and we got to see the sun rise. the dawn light was pretty sweet and the sky was intense. 


Things I would like to deal with pretty soon:
1. get the shitty rap song in my head out finally
2. eat something 
3.this job stuff
4. emt/cpr/whatever
5. biking


Things I am content/happy with:
1. friday i had house duty which was a nice break from mudding
2. thursday i got to sheetrock
3. monday i get to do roofing... even though its with darren
4. my momma might come down next month to visit me
5. were having a bbq tonight


Im not excited about:
1. short term volunteers
2. working on the weekend
3. chelsea leaving
4. i still haven't found my usb chord 
5. its supposed to rain today


you know what? i dont give a shit who reads this. if no one does or if everyone i know reads it, i dont care. im not hiding anything. im obviously not going to write everything, let alone in detail, but im going to write whatever i want. paul just came by and i minimized the window and even though i wrote about him its not a bad thing, and its certainly no secret, so i dont know why i did that. i hate blogs. i really like it here. yesterday was kind of really strange though, over in the french quarter my friend john told me there was a drunk guy walking around with a gun who got arrested right on the corner. pretty strange. not to mention there was a shooting over on north rampart, which is really rare and out of the ordinary. i havent really heard anything about it aside from the shots. 


IT'S ABEL'S BIRTHDAY! HAPPY 101st ABEL :) 

ive made my final judgement about maine: it is full of baby-faced fighting men. hahaha. ohmygoshhhh 


i am hungry i have to go find food. 



Wednesday, February 25, 2009

13 (Can't you find a clue when your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue?)

So work is pushed back an hour but ive been waking up every hour at least twice since 4. waiting to work. Mardi Gras was fun. the Zulu parade was awesome and i got some useless pony/unicorn on a stick. the parades were great and i got some awesome street food.
 we went out to eat at like 4, and i have no idea where. it was good though. and then i went to sleep at 6pm hahaha. the day was very... exhausting. we were going to get up at 9 and go back out, and most people stayed out a lot later than i did, but i think its probably for the best that i just went to sleep.. i just want to not deal with sillyness and go back to work. i got some good pictures but im sure other peoples are better cause i didnt get a lot of the guys in drag, which was hilarious. i have to find the connector cable for my camera. i promise pictures soon. 

Monday, February 23, 2009

12 (It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood)

So yesterday turned out pretty well, i started to practice riding a bike. it was not the biggest success but it was step one. Also, last night i had the most interesting and invigorating conversation in a long time. Well, it was mostly me listening to this guy talk about his viewpoints on the situation down here and about the system that we live in in general. he, i believe, was a steel worker, and so hes not only very knowledgable about his trade and contruction, but also very insightful about the way things work in america. we talked a lot about the cultural influence on food, work, and respect. and eventually he got to the issue of new orleans. 
now, the issue is quite complicated when you try to imagine all of the innerworkings of a city. however, in his carefully simplified metaphors he really hit some points on the head. the people here live in the closest state there is to anarchy. he explained a lot about the reasons for this, and how the real revolution is here because the people dont fight with guns and knives against "the man", but rather fight with hammers and shovels and make their own rules. new orleans really is where the change in the world is happening. people come here to be part of it. to help, to make a society completely ignored by the american system. and here it is really taking root. community gardens, volunteers and non profits controlling the housing and many small businesses, its amazing. people here have learned to expect nothing from the police, from the city, state, and federal governments. they tke what they need. people here live on ends meat- not to say that luxury is not desired, but people here understand the important things in life. i had never thought of new orleans as a revolution, as an anarchist-style society, but it is. it is so closed off from the rest of american culture it seems like a different world. i think this is also why i really love it here. now that i think about it and see a good deal of truth in it, it makes me feel much more attatched to what i am doing here, even mudding. 
we also talked a bit about the crack house about 2 blocks away that was burnt down right after Gustav. Before people were evacuated, someone tried and failed to burn it down. But right after, between when people evacuated and were returning, the house was burned. It was one or more peoples way of dealing with the problems in their own neighborhood. potentially sacrificing their freedom to send a message from the community that i was unwelcome. and like all attempts to overthrow something already in place, nothing will work perfectly. in this case i mean that the crack addicts moved into another house a ways away. however the dealing problems and the blatant drug use has dissapeared. 

another thing i just would like to recount quickly about the conversation last night was the topic of dissassociation from labor and information. many people want instant gratification, to use a computer or a car, but have no idea how to fix it or any understanding of how it works. thus they have no respect for the "lower class" who make it work for them. im not sure what point that has in this post, but i found it an interesting topic to consider. 

tomorrow is mardi gras day! we dont work and the first parade is at 8am. im pretty psyched cause its the zulu parade, which should be awesome. and tonight, im soooo excited to see the drag races up tupelo. its going to be sick. 

i feel really good today. really good. im even happy to go back to mudding this afternoon and fix someone else's really horribly shitty work. which i already had done but it was screwed up because someone missed some sheet rocking so then someone else redid my work.. and now i do it again. sweeet. but seeing miss viviana is always nice. she brings us coffee, tea, and hot chocolate every morning and she's very interested in how things work. she tries to be helpful too which is awesome. and last friday she got really excited seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and she's already thinking about paint colors and tiles. which is the best feeling ever. 

Sunday, February 22, 2009

11 (I told you to be patient, i told you to be fine)

So this morning as i awake at 11:30, I find myself in a bad mood. im really dissapointed more than anything. i really wanted to see kristine, and i really wanted to see colin. and now thats not an option. and somehow i doubt that the opportunity will arise to see either of them again soon, or ever, or whatever. im really honestly bummed about it. 
my eyes are all swollen haha i hate that. well fuck it whatever its sunday and i have no reason to get out of bed anyway. anyone down here i would want to see isnt available, and i look like fucking shit, so yea. fuck me. i just want to go back to sleep. i just reread that, what a great chain of thought haha.

the fan is spinning
like a circus
blinding light
bags of gas
and nitrous tanks
flank the walls
walking through 
the dark red
bleeding from the ceiling
i feel weighted
to the floor

Saturday, February 21, 2009

10 (It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time)

So waking up at 10am is sleeping late. haha. so im charging my camera fianlly, ill throw some pictures up here soon. im going to get burgers now and then to apply for that job. hopefully after that ill be meeting up with kristine and john and colin and andrew. that would be sick. 

ive been listening to bon iver so much recently, theyre really awesome. if you dont know them you should. haha. im so hungryyyy.

im making progress. i kind of really dont feel like mudding come monday id rather sheetrock but im not sure if thats an option. heres hoping right. ok. pictures soon. 


a list of good smells (definitely not the whole list)
1. rain, 5 minutes before it comes down
2. fresh cut grass
3. hot cement or sand. 
4. italian food
5. anything being cooked at home
6. fire
7. chocolate and smoke
8. sleep smell, like in a bed
9. fresh hot laundry
10. issey miyake perfume for men. and women. 


ok food. now.

Friday, February 20, 2009

9 (I'm tired of trying, your teasing aint enough)

Finally friday!

So I was stuck in the cold bathroom all day. but i finished mudding everything i could in there. im kinda bummed i missed the muses parade last night, but it was 4 hours late. and im doing laundryyyy yea. and i also took the fastest shower ever, realizing once without clothes on that i didnt bring my towel into the bathroom. im such a pro, i used my laundry bag... and ran. haha.
my face is HOTTT

list of things i want to do this weekend:
see colin/other americorps people
get that job
learn to ride a bike
see a sweeet parade
hear some sick music, again




yes! im bored and this is what i thought of.

call me
let me get your number
lets go out
can i 
get in 
your pants
again
run those
d i g i t s
let me
feel you 
inside and
out
i want your 
body
i want to feel your
insides
with my
d i g i t s 
outside
lets go out
while i feel you
out
feel you
up
can i 
get your
d i g i t s

Thursday, February 19, 2009

8 (I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.. oh lord please dont let me be misunderstood)

if only you could bleed my blood
breathe my air 
swallow my spit 
eat my words
speak my code 
you are a master
of creating 
a thin air
between us



List of things I need to do this month:
1. get a job (crossing my fingers for saturday!)
2. learn to ride a bike, maybe get a bike
3. emt classes
4. drivers ed
6. pick up things im missing (ie a razor...gross haha)
7. excercise more
8. ^learn to spell better haha

my wrist hurts :( ok back to work i might update again tonight...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

7 (You grace me with your cold shoulder, whenever you look at me i wish i was her)

AH. so we have finished the second coat of mud in one room. almost 2. this is good progress. 

im also an asshole who spends too much money. 


I have decided to compose a list of my fearrssssss:

1. being murdered, esp. by someone in my family. who knows why haha
2. falling/tripping while walking on the street
3. being useless
4. not making eye contact when its appropriate 
5. coming off as someone i am not
6. being overrated
7. being underrated
8. doing things poorly, especially physical things like sports
9. never being able to commit to a person. 
10. people overhearing me having a private conversation
11. making awful mistakes
12. living a cookie cutter life



the light hits the street
mosquitos chase us for blood
will it rain today?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

6 (Oh these little rejections, how they add up quickly)

She looked at me, and her eyes said, "I already know. Please don't."

I found more of a zen today, listening to music and mudding. My qualms with this blog are weighing my mind. I really don't feel comfortable writing and publishing things on the internet about people and things when anyone could read it. i mean its really highly unlikely that a lot of people will be reading this blog, but at the same time im not going to be spilling out my heart when people here could totally find it and know all the contents of my brain.

however i did get to talk to gabby today and that was good. i also went to hi-ho last night, a really cool bar i had been too back in november. every monday night they have a bluegrass circle and the music was great, and after that there was another group of an accordian player, a cello player, and a banjo player/singer. they were so good, but they never said their name... 

i think im too much in my head. maybe aside from writing this as a blog ill just write shitty short stories and poems and such. i havent tried to cultivate any sort of creative endeavor in a looooong time so this might fail miserably. i havent written a story in years. so i dont know. i just dont know. i know that theres a lot going on in my head, and i need to get it out somewhere. the only thing is, is this blog the place?

Monday, February 16, 2009

5 (I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?)

It's colddd! And the fan is on... why? 
I forgot how awesome the Hari Krishna temple is in midcity, every sunday they serve free dinner. I went last night and it was so good. Today was also good, I got a nice 8 hours of thinking in while I was mudding.. I don't know, I really love this city. The colors, the people, everything. 

I totally forgot to call Lynn back, I got so busy. I'm still working on getting all my stuff settled in but I feel pretty good that it will get done soon. I did get to talk to erin though today, that was awesome. I had a song stuck in my head today though, it was so bad, for like two hours the only thing i could think about was the chorus to this stupid repetative song. Aside from that though it was cool. We worked with some people from DC who came down for the week, so mudding went by really quickly. They were all very nice and were pretty talkative too.

Amidst all the good things going on I feel a bit strange though, there's still some anxiety, I'm not sure why, I just want it to go away. What am I stressed about!! I really want to go to bonnaroo, i was looking at tickets today. I think it would be really easy to get from here to tennessee, and the lineup on the site is sick. I feel antsy right now. Oyyyyyy. Gotta find something to do. I also need to do more research on these EMT and driving classes. And figure out how I would get to them anyway. Too much!! haha. not really. Aight aight.. im done. 

Sunday, February 15, 2009

4 (I can't get you out of my head)

What a weekend....

Yesterday was very nice, my old team came, or at least 4 of them, and we spent the day together. Went to the french quarter and got some good food- I tried fried alligator haha. I went with them to Bourbon St, and it was pretty happening. Mardi Gras season is in full swing, and it was really neat to see everyone out in the street having a good time. I think I laughed more than I have in a long time too, I forgot some of the nice aspects of getting to spend so much time with some of the people from my old AmeriCorps team. I'm really hoping next weekend I get to see Colin, that would be awesome. Well anyway, after they left I went back out to Frenchmen and went to a bar that was plastered with murals of Bob Marley and had great reggae. I also got a sweeeet gift from D, a funny bumble-bee type thing. Best Valentines day everrrrrr hahaha.. no I was honestly hardly aware of it. 

Today was much more laid back, but really nice weather. It was a bit cooler (I know... SO interesting haha) and I took a good walk. I love the colors here, the vibe, everything about it down here just seems perfect. I feel like I could really just stay forever. The contrast of affluence is a little overwhelming and depressing at times, but I find when I'm working it doesn't even enter my mind. I feel ready for the week, and I'm also pretty relieved I haven't had an issue waking up early after over a month of sleeping like a bum. I also talked to Lynn a bit, and it was good to hear her. I should call her back soon..

Oy vey, the only thing that irritates me is just the thick air, I can tell its taking time for me to adjust. Lame. It's pretty different here at l9 this time, ryan told me i had come in november in something of a "golden age". If thats the case and it won't be like that now, I'm glad I got to experience it but I'm also not so sad, just because its always different depending on the group of volunteers. However I'm not generally the type to stay in on a saturday night playing scrabble... but there are lots of people here who wouldn't either, so whatever. I think the atmosphere in the main area of the house is abit more formal, I'm not sure I would just be completely comfortable doing whatever in here. I also think the people right now, at least some of them, are a lot more introverted and private, and certainly outwardly a little judgemental. But of course, I don't quite know them as of yet so I am not in a position to say. Aside from that aspect the house is a little different, and definitely the way things work seem to be a bit different. The priority of keeping the house clean and the energy level to a lower max isn't really such a bad call either, it was really rowdy here last time. It does seem quite a bit more segregated in terms of who is friends and hangs out and all the rest of it, I'm really not a fan of that. I think the clique-ish aspect is really juvenile and a detriment to the organization. But I also don't think its too extreme, and I haven't been here long enough to really judge. This is just my observation at the point, and I'm sure over the next months different things will unfold. Everything just takes time. 

Oh, another extreeeemely exciting bit of news: I am GOING to learn to ride a bike!!! and also hopefully learn to drive. but first, the bike. I've also been looking for a job, to no avail. Hopefully something will pan out, but everyone wants you to have a lisense (I cannot spell that word for my life) and a car, both of which I am lacking. :(

Alright, back to sitting quietly in the main room along with everyone else haha...

Friday, February 13, 2009

3 (Manhattan keeps on makin it, Brooklyn keeps on takin it)

Well jeez... I finally got to New Orleans, it was a hell of a trip. Lack of sleep in addition to delays put me in quite the mood yesterday, and when I finally got to the airport they lost my bag. Again. I hate airlines, I hate checking bags, I hate most of all waiting. Then I got here and it was balmy and beautiful, and got to spend the evening waiting up til 2am for my stuff. I feel uneasy here as of now, but at the same time I'm relieved to finally be here. I know it's going to be good, I just have to feel everything out. This morning I mudded and did a little sheetrocking.. the time went suprisingly fast. I'm pretty psyched for tomorrow, I hope I do really get to see people from my team. My bed is so close to the ceiling i cant sit... i wish i was short haha then everything would work out for the better. I think I'm pretty bad at mudding. Time will allow that to change though, hopefully. Alright. If I ever have anything interesting to say I will. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

2 (People on the river are happy to give)

I'm still in Boston, but I've gotten to BU and now I'm at Brandeis. It's been a bit of a whirlwind trip, and I have to go back tonight to repack all the newly dirty clothing I have. I'm really hoping it won't be too much of a hassle to get to the airport and all the rest of it, the public transit here really confuses me and I dislike it. Uhhhh.... I feel like eating. and making everything perfect. This whole week I have become obsessed with the preparations for traveling this coming Thursday. I can't wait to get there and like settle into something, after all this vagabond type behavior. On the other hand I slept basically until about noon, which is a bad sign. Ok I have nothing of interest to write so I'm done.

Friday, February 6, 2009

1 (Welcome to the jungle)

First off, let me say I hate blogs. I hate people that blog. To quote one point of view; "don't overestimate your importance." Peoples opinions and thoughts on everyday life are important, but not to the whole world. I'm not a major fan of self-publishing, when I think the majority of blogs are solely about themselves rather than something larger. To be honest this blog will most likely be neglected, and it will also probably turn into more of a journal type thing. I know, it will be exactly what I dislike. However, I also don't care. I started this blog at the urging, or nagging rather, of most everyone in my family. 

That said, I am currently in Boston. I came here to visit friends, but I'm lazy and haven't gone out yet. I'll eventually get out there and see people. My phone is dying though and I really don't particularly care to do anything. I have a lot on my mind and I feel a bit weighted by it. I'm psyched though to get down south where it's warm and get started working. Oy, I don't know what else to write hahah... I'm also having a debate here what I think is appropriate to post, in terms of names and personal things you know? We'll see how it goes, this is only post number one. OK. I think I'm done.